Holiday Ham

They say that you shouldn't go grocery shopping when you're super hungry because in your state of low blood sugar induced stupidity you might buy a lot of things that you don't need (my favorites are snickers ice cream bars or a large box of pizza rolls because my parents aren't there and I don't know any better). This is especially true after thanksgiving. This situation caused me to impulse buy a large ham.

I baked it a couple days later. I think I've cooked a ham once before so I didn't even look at the directions. It came with some weird ham powder, might have had brown sugar in it. I sprinkled some of the ham powder on the ham and baked it for, I don't know, a couple hours? Who cares, it's a pre-cooked ham, I should've microwaved it. Culinary genius that I am, every so often I drizzled some of the rendered fat in the baking dish over the ham to keep it nice and juicy.

I ate a massive plate full of ham. I was so full when I was done and so satisfied. My roommate, Troy, had a healthy plateful as well. After I had scratched my hammy itch, I checked to see what the leftover situation was. It looked like we hadn't even touched the ham. At this point I never wanted to eat ham again but I was faced with probably 6 or 7 pounds of pink pig flesh.

I did everything I could think with it. The next night I made scalloped potatoes with a heavy dose of ham mixed in. I invited friends over after watching college football at the bar to eat some ham. I had a potluck and made a crockpot ham and bean creole dish as the main course. I would wake up and eat ham, bring some ham to work for lunch, snack on some ham when I got home, and there was still ham sitting in a dish in my fridge. It's been 2 weeks or so and there is still ham. Jesus Christ must have blessed this pig, turning it into a bottomless well of ham. Alert the media, world hunger is cured!

Weeks later, I still snack on this old ham. It fits with my personal goal of eating things that are unsafe to try and keep my immune system strong (I have a serious fear of super-bug bacteria). I guess the lesson here is to follow the old rule and have a snack before grocery shopping.

-Dan